Human
by xxxi departure
Summary: Ken Kaneki is a ghoul who yearns to be human after enduring through a tragic past. He despises the existence of ghouls for their endless torment to humanity. But as he fights his ghoul side in desperation to escape from it, he learns that perhaps there are lies within mankind that have yet to be unravelled.


**I don't own TG.**

 **Hey~ I have stories I should be finishing but this is a spur of the moment freestyle to help me fight my writer's block.**

 **I'm not sure if I want to continue this or keep it as an one shot...**

* * *

He knew that sound, _anywhere._

The constant _throbbing_ , the rhythmatic _pulsing_ , the turning and _twisting_ of _**blood**_ that curled and slept under those tender, moving veins!

 ** _Flesh flesh flesh—!_**

 ** _—dIViNe FLESH! GIVE ME!_**

The ash-haired female dropped her chopsticks, her face flushed and her breathing heavy. A splash of soy sauce hit the collar of his white sweater, and in realisation, the girl hastily apologised.

"I-I am very sorry," she murmured, gradually turning pink as he accepted the napkin in her hand graciously. "Y-you were looking at me for, um, a-awhile..." The flush turned into a deeper tone of red as she saw his pale eyes flicker across hers.

Kaneki tore his bloodthirsty eyes away from her neck and scratched his cheek, respectively stuttering in embarrassment. "I-I was? I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but notice how beautiful your necklace is." He saw her blush even harder—if that were possible—her hand caressing the stunning pink pearl near her collarbone.

"Thank you," she said breathlessly, and feeling as if she ought to repay him for the compliment, lifted up the take out container. "T-this is too much for me, so would you like to maybe share?"

His eyes absorbed the rows of sushi, and from somewhere in the abyss of his stomach, he could almost _taste_ the salmon that was sandwiched with avocado between the sticky vinegared rice and seasoned nori. His throat tightened up when he saw the fresh, plump sashimi sprinkled with bits of wasabi and dipped in glistening soy—

 _It made him want to vomit._

"Excuse me, but I have to leave." His smile was strained. Rising from his chair, he bid the crestfallen female farewell, and strode out of the study hall of the public library, branching into a rush to the nearest men's restroom.

" _Damn it!"_ Kaneki spat out in a low whisper. He kicked the stall door shut, and gripped his chest ferociously, a hole spitting open on his shirt in the process. Watery yellow puke splattered the grey tiles and the ring of the toilet as he gagged, his throat running an angry acid burn and his lungs on the verge of dangerously colliding with each spurt—

 _"What was she thinking, bringing food inside a library?"_ he gasped out, feeling the hot acid spilling from his lips, not caring if such rules even existed in the building. " _It hurts..."_

 ** _GIVE ME FLESH—_**

The porcelain toilet was spinning, twisting, furling itself into _something_ — he tried to keep his eyes on the ring— _it was crawling into legs—_ his hand reached out for the handle to desperately flush— _he was caressing an ear instead—_ his vibrating eyes were crying at the vomit inside— _his naked body was on hers—_

He froze, slowly turning his head down. Silence left his lips as his mouth dropped open, his hands between her blood-soaked ash hair, his teeth dangling a glob of red, juicy flesh reeking of death and murdered innocence—

Kaneki screamed, his leg hitting the base of the toilet in his agonizing reflex to back away. " _Oh god..._ " his raspy voice was shaking. He kicked the handle and burst out of the stall without bothering to hear the flush, staggering into an bemused man who entered.

He stomped out of the building, his eyes desperately watching his feet as he wandered aimlessly, lost in direction, lost in his insanity—

He cursed over and over, hunching his back and slamming his hood over his face, biting on his bruised fingers until he heard them crack—b _lood blood blood—_

Kaneki ran out into the streets, biting his index finger until he nearly felt his teeth prick through the skin layer. He had to return home, to his house, to that cabinet drawer—

Barely breathing and blinking, he came to a stop at the Shakuji River, inwardly cursing as he felt the horrendous urge increasing and increasing. _Calm down, calm down,_ Kaneki told himself, sweat dripping from his dark hair. His pleading eyes scanned the waters—

And the shaking slowed, as he saw a dead body floating on its stomach along the riverbank, concealed under the large clearing of a towering cherry blossom tree.

 _No, don't do it..._

His feet started dragging itself.

 _Stop it, don't go any further...!_

Kaneki seemed to be inhaling and exhaling faster as he neared the bank.

His hair was brown, streaked with grey. His clothes were simple; jeans and a checkered shirt. Kaneki couldn't see his face—he didn't want to—

 _What happened? Why are you here? Why are you dead?_ _How did you die?_ Gray eyes pleaded in desperate. _Get up...! Please! Don't let me come any closer!_

The sneaker touched the head of the man.

 ** _Blood—_**

 _No, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it! He's an innocent human!_

 _ **Blood—**_

 _He was probably a nice neighbour! A kind father! A hardworking father!_

 _ **Blood—**_

 _He must've been nice to kids! Don't eat him, don't eat him, don't eat him—_

 **—MEAT!**

Kaneki's horror stricken eyes locked on the ghostly white skin, as his mouth went dry and he licked his lips—

 ** _FRESH MEAT FRESH MEAT FRESH MEAT—_**

 _"FLESH!_ " His lungs exploded in everlasting euphoria as a devastating, disgusting ripping sound resounded, and dark red organs painted the waters maddeningly like a swarm of fish— his senses were tingling—his tongue was swimming in sour sweetness!

 **DELICIOUS DELICIOUS DELICIOUS!**

 _"More more more!"_ he screamed, stuffing his mouth, smelling the delicacy—cherishing this moment!

 _A ring..._ _he was married—the left hand was grinding in his mouth—blue eyes... he was a foreigner—the face was pooled with hot blood—a locket necklace... he had..._

The boy stopped chewing, his black, red eyes unmoving. The opened locket was dirty, but the photo inside was distinguishable.

 _He had a family._

It felt as if his heart had dropped; all his senses immediately left his body and a shot of guilt zipped through his body like lightning. _No... no..._ Kaneki dropped the head and crawled away, his eyes still watching the pulsing vein pushing out of the man's temple—

 _"No! No! NO!"_ He thrashed, his hands jerking as if something was slithering inside. In a heartbeat, Kaneki impulsively pushed the body back into the river and ran for his life, tears running down his cheeks as his mind registered what just happened—

 _You ate a man—you ate him—_

"NO!"

 _He had a family, he had a wife, how could you do such a thing?! He had two children!_

 _"Stop it!"_ the boy pleaded, his vision blurring with every step he took. "I... can't do this anymore..." he sobbed, gripping his shirt. The smell of the soy sauce stain triggered him again, and he felt nauseous once more. "I can't do this... I don't like this..." he begged to no one, _"I don't want to be a ghoul..."_

He gagged and coughed, bits of red strings flying out and landing on his arm. _"No... stop it... stop it..."_

"Kaneki?" a familiar voice called.

He turned around to see his friend approaching him in immense concern, a plastic bag in hand. Kaneki wanted to gag again. "No... get away... don't look at me..."

"What's wrong?!" Hide cried, holding him by the shoulder. "Are you okay?!"

"I don't feel good..." Kaneki unconsciously grabbed his friend by the shoulder and stared at his neck. "I... think I ate something... I shouldn't have," he whispered in fear.

Hide stared at him incredulously, but within a moment, the expression was replaced with concern and worry. "Come on, buddy, I'll get you home." He heaved the ill boy onto his shoulders, and at once, Kaneki's murderous starving urge died. "You haven't been eating well these days, Kaneki," he said sternly. "How am I going to survive university with you, huh?"

Even in this horrendous situation, the dark-haired male laughed. "Entrance exams for Kamii are soon... know what major you're taking, Hide?" he asked hoarsely, relieved that he was turning back to normal.

"I need you to shut up for a bit," Hide sighed, as they walked across the bridge to head home. "And you need a bath! When's the last time you showered, man?"

Kaneki laughed awkwardly again. He was happy to see Hide—he nearly lost it... the boy bit his lip, feeling his eyes well up. Life had been rough for him ever since he and his mother moved into the 20th Ward years ago. He wiped his mouth, noticing how his best friend didn't ask about his blood soaked jeans.

"Hey Hide...?"

"You still have the strength to talk? What is it?"

"... it's nothing."

Kaneki smiled sadly as the orange-haired male sputtered. "Don't scare me like that ever again!" he added sternly. "Sheesh, what are you going to do without me?"

"Probably die."

"Well, you won't, because I brought you your favourite hamburgers!"

Soft gray eyes scanned the plastic grocery bag. Another wave of guilt crashed upon his body as he let out an inaudible "Mm."

"— _police found remains of a forty-three year old man in the waters near Shakujigawa_ _," they heard a female news reporter speak from the virtual screens plastered on the towering buildings. " Officials believe he is a tourist who is missing several vital organs. It is unclear how the incident occurred. Investigation is currently underway—"_

"That's crazy... is it a ghoul?" Hide gasped. Kaneki tensed instantly, fearing to even swallow.

"W...who knows." He tore his eyes off the broadcast. "Let's go home..."

"Yeah... but man, if it is, even the 20th Ward isn't safe anymore," Hide unhelpfully commented.

As they walked home, all Kaneki thought of was the man. He sent prayers, he sent apologies, and he decided to even write a formal letter for all he had inhumanly done. Because even if he was a ghoul, deep down, he truly didn't want to be. To have lashed out and gone on an eating rampage... he balled his fists.

 _Damn. Damn...!_ He had survived for three months on a single arm, why was he suddenly losing it?! What was he doing wrong?! Was it the stupid sushi from earlier?!

But the moment Hide stopped and gave him a bright, wide grin, and started a topic about hamburgers and school, Kaneki didn't care anymore.

"Seriously, I can't wait until we go to Kamii! I was thinking of doing English with Foreign Language, since that means we might have most classes together even if we're in different departments. How about you? Have you decided?"

He blinked, and then slowly smiled.

"Yeah..." His breathing was calm now. "I was thinking Japanese Literature..."

His best friend chuckled and gave him a look of admiration. "You read so much books that I doubt you're a human sometimes."

The ghoul hung his head slightly, forcing a smile.

No matter how much he tried to act like a human, eat like a human, and appreciate humans...

He would never be a human.

Ever.


End file.
